How do you find peace within yourself?
A friend of mine and his wife recently got into an argument. He and his wife had a 9-year-old son. The argument became heated, and his wife left the home to go to an appointment. According to my friend, the argument was about something seemingly minor; nevertheless, it escalated into name-calling and shouting before his wife left the house. My friend was bummed out. He said to me, “I do so much for my family and never get appreciated.” He said, “I work, do the dishes, fold the laundry, play with my son, and do other household chores. I don’t understand why my wife picks up on little things and starts arguing with me about them.” He continued, “I’m tired after a solid day of work and hate to come home to my wife when she nags me about little things.” I asked him, what the little things were. He said, “I can’t even remember, but they are about dishes to wash or clothes to fold or it does not even matter, because I do those things anyways and still get nagged for it.” My friend was frustrated.
I asked him what does your son think? He said, “After that argument, my son turned to me and said, dad apologize to mom, after she comes back.” To which my friend replied, “No, I do not want to, because she will argue all over again. Or she will not apologize back. Either way, I do not want to apologize for something I did not start.” I asked my friend, what his son said to that. He said his son answered, “Trust me dad, I know mom, and I know she will be ok with it; she went to the appointment, she’ll be fine after she gets back.” After a moment, my friend reluctantly said to his son, “Ok, I’ll apologize.”
After an hour my friend’s wife came back from her appointment. My friend said to her, “I’m sorry.” Immediately, my friend’s wife said, “It’s ok.” To which the son said to my friend, “You see dad, I told you she’d be ok with it.” My friend said he felt a big sigh of relief as he was still expecting his wife to be mad, after all the argument was heated.
My friend’s son was not done coaching, though. His son went into the room with his dad and said who else do you have to apologize to? My friend was taken aback. Then he quickly said, “Oh yeah, to you too, I’m sorry for arguing with mom.” His son immediately said, “Yes, but who else lives in this home?” My friend said, “Oh yes, there was Candice the dog and maybe she felt the negative energies of the argument.” So ,my friend said, “Sorry, Candice.” But the son was not content. He said, “Who else lives in this house?” Then it hit my friend...maybe the son was asking about my friend himself! Maybe my friend had to apologize to himself! My friend’s son saw his dad going inwards and immediately elaborated on the train of thought, “Those horrible words came out of your mouth, so say sorry to yourself for saying those things.” My friend followed the logic and said, “I’m sorry to myself,” and he felt an instant feeling of joy and release. My friend was stunned, how did his son know the importance of forgiving oneself and how that is a way of healing oneself?
Forgiving oneself is the precursor to forgiving others. By the same token, loving oneself is the precursor to loving others. Forgiving oneself and loving oneself are the pathways to true happiness within oneself. Many times, in our lives we lose touch with ourselves and the importance of our feelings about ourselves. If we do not love ourselves, loving others becomes a challenge. If we do not forgive ourselves, as my friend’s son was alluding to, we cannot forgive others.
What are 3 things in your life that you would like to forgive yourself for?
